In a Sweeping Feat of Inhuman Congruity, I Tie Together a Huge Pile of Loose Ends Into a Gordian Knot of Plotdom

---

The Baron collapsed, very, very, very dead.

 

Revealing, Joel, Nike and Katje, stood behind him, holding daggers.

 

Sic transit another random evil old guy.

 

There was much screaming and everyone fled the banqueting hall.

 

‘I can’t believe we had to stab him in three different places, just to make sure.’ Joel complained. (hah, bet you didn’t think it would be THREE of them!)

 

‘Did I get it right?’ Katje asked, blondily.

 

Nike nodded. ‘Of course you did, very good.’

 

Katje smiled, ingratiatingly.

 

Joel looked embarrassed to be with them. ‘Now for Oscar.’ He said, furiously. ‘And everyone else who played ‘bondage fun’ with me.’

 

Nike sighed. ‘Honestly, it’s all about kill kill kill with you, isn’t it?’

 

‘I am a demon.’ Joel pointed out. ‘How about I kill your brother and his gormless sweetheart?’ He suggested. Krystal clung to Gauss.

 

Nike said nothing, merely vanished into the shadows, with Katje. Joel grinned at Gauss and Krystal and then vanished in a small thunderclap.

 

‘Wernher?’ Krystal looked into Gauss’ eyes. ‘I don’t understand...’

 

‘See what just this time together can do?’ Gauss said, sadly. ‘Stupid curses. I should go. Though those people would love to see me dead, they’ve no reason to hurt you, only to make sure I can’t take refuge here or anywhere else. Nevertheless, promise me you’ll stay well guarded, just in case...’

 

‘I promise. But must you go?’

 

‘Yes, my love.’

 

And with such words of sickening adorability and a heavy heart, Gauss went to find his friends.

 

Jon, carried away and separated from Vinny and Oscar, who he’d only just spotted across the room, after having spent several minutes looking for them, in a rushing crowd fleeing psychopathic murderers, found himself lost in a deserted courtyard somewhere in the ex-Baron Halak’s palace.

 

He checked he still had his sword (after all, it was a family heirloom) and buckler and headed back the way he hoped he had come.

 

‘Brother Jon?’

 

‘Aye?’

 

Black petals blew past his feet in a slight draught. The Silverwyrm. He turned and saw Klot step out of the darkness. Behind him, Jon saw faint shapes, barely outlined.

 

‘Brother Klot. Dost thou perchance know the way back to the great hall? I seem to be lost.’ Jon was worried, and didn’t want to start up any cryptic conversations. Klot’s strange words in the hall...did he know about Miriam? And who was Damocles? He wanted to keep things cordial.

 

‘Perhaps I do.’ Klot’s face was full of fervour. Jon’s worried level rose.

 

‘Wouldst thou show me?’

 

‘We would speak with you.’ Klot said, gesturing behind him.

 

Jon, run, run now. Miriam said.

 

I can’t. I think they’re behind me.

 

You might take a few injuries, but we can deal with them.

 

‘You cannot leave us, brother.’ Klot said. John mentally cursed, then crossed himself out of habit.

 

‘Of what would you speak with me?’

 

‘The old Order is done, brother-in-arms. There is no place for it anymore. It is stagnated, outdated, lost in it’s own dotage. We do not serve it anymore. And we have heard that neither do you.’

 

Jon frowned. After what Sister Assumpta had told him, he wasn’t sure, but he decided to take a chance. ‘No, I do not.’ He said.

 

‘Then join us, brother. Lead us, Son of Jorgen, you who carry the Queen of Destruction, the Avatar of our Lord. The chaos is returning, and we serve The Lord Damocles, it’s embodiment, and Moebius, his prophet. We will be the army that breaks down the world and rebuilds it in his image.’

 

Moebius. Oh, so this all leads back to him. Miriam said. We’re beginning to really dislike him.

 

‘I serve no-one who is fool enough to choose Moebius as his prophet.’ Jon drew his sword, confident that he could escape with minimum damage.

 

‘Perhaps you need some persuasion?’ Klot said, gesturing to the near-invisible people behind him. Two stepped forward, holding between them a struggling Sister Assumpta, bound and gagged. Jon looked upon her in horror. There was no way he could get both of them away from here.

 

‘The war is coming, Brother Jon. ’ Klot spat, drawing his own steel. ‘Who WILL you serve?’

 

Jon closed his eyes and thought for a moment. Who did he still have faith in? God? The Order? He smiled.

 

‘I serve.’ He said. ‘My King.’

 

Klot glared at him, furiously and motioned to the people in the shadows behind him. There was a sound of a large number of blades being drawn. ‘And who might that be?’ Klot asked.

 

A dark shape dropped out of the rafters and landed on Klot, pinning him to the floor.

 

‘That would be me, jackass.’ Vinny said, wrapping claws around Klot’s throat. Internally, Jon cheered. Windsong materialised behind the Knights holding Sister Assumpta and stabbed them both in the back. Then a white shape bearing a flaming sword swept out of the air, sliced a few heads off and caught the bound warrior-nun up, carrying her to safety.

 

A blast of bright flame lit up the corridor, illuminating and immolating many of the hidden knights. Gauss, in Draco Minimus form, grinned, nastily, from the rafters.

 

‘Nobody.’ Vinny growled, teeth bared, eyes blazing bright hell-red, blue lightning crackling all over his body, making his hair fly around him like a night-black corona. ‘I mean nobody, threatens my brother.’ He tightened his claws. Black rose petals framed Klot’s face, which wore a look of terrified realisation. He whispered a name through Vinny’s choking claws.

 

‘Fendegist....You would side with the God of Order?...You will die...and all who resist change.’

 

Vinny snarled, an animal growling from the depths of his stomach, furious and primal, something he didn’t know he had, until his friends had been threatened. Then he pounced, and buried his sharp canine teeth in Klot’s throat, catching round the line of his jugular, carotid and underneath his trachea, and tearing it with brute strength out of the dark man’s neck. Klot gurgled once then lay still. Vinny stood up and looked at the remaining knights, reflected in the fire of their burning compatriots. His eyes burned, feral and terrifying out of the darkness of his hair, and sparks cracked across his body, illuminating the gouts of blood and viscera smeared across his mouth and front. He was a creature of nightmares, lost in the iron smell of death, an avenging beast.

 

The Shadow-Knights of the Silverwyrmriders slipped back into nothingness.

 

Vinny looked around. Windsong and Jon were staring at him.

 

‘That was something.’ Gauss chuckled, slipping sinuously down out of the rafters and curling his tail around himself, diamond eyes glittering in the burning corpselight. He slowly became something resembling a human again. ‘I don’t know what it was, but it was something.’

 

Vinny felt and tasted the blood on his mouth. ‘Eeeecht...chewy windpipe.’ He said. Windsong chuckled nervously. Jon sheathed his sword. ‘Thank you, all.’ He said.

 

‘I am under an obligation.’ Gauss said, grimly.

 

‘Nobody picks on my buddy.’ Vinny said, full of bravado, slapping Jon on the back, who choked, winded.

 

Windsong said nothing, just looked at Vinny, frightened.

 

‘Where is Brother Oscar?’ Jon asked.

 

‘Dunno. For goodness sake, Vinny, wipe that guy off your mouth, will you?’ Gauss said.

 

Vinny wiped his mouth, grinning, still a little worried.

 

---

 

Oscar swerved to avoid Gauss’ fireblast and landed himself and Sister Assumpta on a rafter. He untied her bonds and dropped them onto the floor. The fiery sword disappeared to wherever it went.

 

‘Are you all right?’ He asked.

 

‘The angel..’ She whispered, her accent showing more than usual in her awe-filled voice. ‘My saviour.’

 

‘Oh, no, let’s not start this again.’ Oscar sighed. ‘What happened, why are you here?’

 

‘I returned to m’convent, and found the Holy Sisters gone, to a safer place. Those unholy..’ She sounded furious. ‘They had fled those from the Orders who serve their new master...the Unholy Demon, who calls himself Damocles! The Seraphic Order and it’s counterparts on the other planets have collapsed, their elders brought down by their own bickering, and those who remain faithful to the true Lord, killed or exiled! I was captured by these ones as I sought Jon. Praise be unto the Lord he has true friends such as you to protect him!’

 

‘Lucky we got here in time.’ Oscar said.

 

‘By Divine Providence, surely.’ Sister Assumpta nodded. Vincit’s inhuman snarl echoed around the rafters, making them both jump.

 

‘Sound’s like Vinny’s kicking ass.’ Oscar said, grinning and peering downwards. He heard his name. ‘Come on.’ He said, picking Sister Assumpta up and launching them off the rafters, floating down to land next to Gauss. ‘Did someone call?’ He asked, setting the slightly ruffled nun down.

 

‘Your ears were burning, huh Osc?’ Vinny asked.

 

‘Yup.’

 

‘Is all well, Sister Assumpta?’ Jon asked, concerned. ‘Did they harm thee?’

 

‘Nay, Brother.’ Sister Assumpta said, glancing with adoration at Oscar. ‘I am unharmed. Brother Jon, I must warn thee....’

 

‘Tell me as we return to a safer place, Sister.’ Jon said, taking her arm and leading her away. The others followed, a little behind.

 

‘Hey Gauss.’ Vinny whispered, nudging the dragon prince. ‘You think if an angel and a nun do it, it’s a sin?’

 

‘I don’t know.’ Gauss replied. ‘But I bet Oscar would love to find out.’

 

‘Shut up.’ Oscar snapped, smacking Vinny upside the head.

 

‘Hey!’

 

---

 

In the darkness, there was a squishy sound as the body of Klot began to glitter with metal at the torn edges of the throat and regenerate.

 

After a while, a steady chuckling began.

 

(Me? Kill off someone who’ll obviously make such a good future bad guy? Pshaw..)

 

---

 

Vinny dropped back, walking behind the others, to walk beside Windsong.

 

‘Hey babe, good job with the daggers, there.’ Vinny said, cheerfully.

 

Windsong said nothing and edged away a little.

 

‘Windsong?’

 

‘What?’

 

‘You smell scared of me.’

 

‘Damn your nose.’

 

‘Yeah, Joel said that too.’ Vinny was worried. He stuck a cigarette in his mouth and lit it. They were still slightly damp. ‘Normally it’s ‘damn your eyes’.’

 

‘I’m surprised you can smell anything at the moment, between smoking those things and...’ Windsong said, looking at him, confusion and anger in her voice. ‘Vincit, who was that thing back there? And in that evil amazon duchess’s palace? Who was that?’

 

‘That’s the monster you’re so keen to marry, sweetheart.’ Vinny replied, harshly, through a mouth full of smoking paper. ‘Me, only with the talking part temp’rarily removed. Having doubts now you’ve seen the full package, kid?’

 

Windsong said nothing. Vinny bit his lip and nearly singed his nose. Was that all love was for a kid like her, however mature she may seem? He should never have got involved. Maybe it was for the best, maybe then he could stop thinking of himself as a fucking kiddy-fiddler. Oh, who was he kidding?

 

‘Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.’ He said. ‘This bum here loves you with every part of his fuzzy ol’ heart. And if it had been you that guy was threatening, I wouldn’t just have torn out his juggler. No, I woulda ripped out his liver and choked his filthy throat on it.’

 

‘I don’t know.’ Windsong said.

 

‘I’ll still be here when you do.’ Vinny said. ‘Now while you think, I’m gonna go stick a few more in Oscar about that nun of his.’

 

Windsong smiled a little.

 

‘That’s more like it, princess.’

 

---

 

Jon?

 

Mm?

 

I don’t feel well.

 

Oh. Is there anything I can do? Jon wasn’t sure how a machine could feel unwell.

 

Am I the Queen of Destruction, Jon? Ever since we went inside Joel, we’ve felt different. It’s not just the visions of the future, although they’re bad enough. Damocles is part of us, somehow. Or we’re a part of him. We remember before being in you, being told I was being put somewhere safe. Like I said after the crash. I think Damocles and we....and I are copies of each other. Perhaps siblings. And if he’s evil, and I am a carbon copy of his program..then...I also must be...no, his data was corrupted, by Moebius. Machine mind is unsure. Who was the voice of God which spoke to me?

 

I do not know the true answers to any of thy questions, Miriam. Jon said. I am not wise, or clever like Gauss. But, I believe, both you and Damocles have tasted the fruit. And therefore you can both, like a man, be corrupted to evil ways. And perhaps, with the power you have, you could be the Queen of Destruction. But as long as you do not choose to be so, you will remain the Queen of Heaven. If only to me.

 

You are wrong, Jon.

 

Oh?

 

You are wise.

 

Jon laughed to himself.

 

Vinny poked him in the shoulder. ‘What’s she saying?’

 

‘She says I am wise.’

 

‘She’s right. You are pretty wise. And sometimes you’re pretty stupid. Hey, look at me talking.’ Vinny stopped himself. ‘Stupid guy of the month calling the kettle black.’

 

‘Mm?’

 

Pheromone readings indicate Windsong and Vincit are having a ‘tiff’. Miriam informed him, helpfully.

 

‘Trust in your love, brother.’ Jon said, completely surprising Vinny.

 

‘Thanks.’ He said, slightly bewildered. ‘I guess I will.’

 

Jon, I will take some downtime so that I can compute.

 

Downtime?

 

You would call it sleep.

 

I see. Very well.

 

---

 

When they neared the great hall and the gardens, they found chaos. People were running around everywhere wondering what had happened. Oscar carefully hid his face in case he was mistaken for Joel, who had after all, just helped kill the local leader.

 

‘Hey.’ Someone took hold of Gauss’ shoulder. He span around, ready. ‘Your ‘ighness.’ Whutty said, his Silberwald accent quite marked. ‘We have to get you and your friends out of here. Dhis place is very dangerous right now. I’m sorry I ever brought you here. I dhought it was dhe right dhing to do.’

 

‘Don’t worry about it, Raketemensch.’ Gauss said cheerfully. ‘Someone’s been killed, a few mad Silberwyrmritters just tried to corrupt and kill one....weeell, technically two of my friends if you count the mysterious nanobot-woman that I owe a life debt to, no problems we can’t overcome.’

 

‘Yes, I suppose you dhink dhat’s very vunny.’ Whutty replied. ‘Damn you, Gauss, dhis is serious. We have to get out of here. Dhe ship is in dhe fourdh hanger. Your friend dhere looks a lot like dhe Baron’s assassin, by dhe way.’

 

‘Why do you dhink...sorry, think, he’s hiding his face? Lady, gentleman, nun, beast, highly surreptitious angel, let us be off.’ Gauss announced. ‘We have a mysterious race to find, and lovely though this short, eventful stop over has been, I’d really like to get out of here before anyone else gets skewered like a large, fat shishkebab.’

 

‘Hear hear.’ Vinny said. He looked quite happy. Windsong had reattached herself to his arm.

 

---

 

‘Hey baby, did you miss me?’ Oscar asked, firing up the ship’s engines. It shuddered slightly. Dumb and Dumber appeared out of a repair hatch and gave him the kind of look only a robot can.

 

‘Ah, shut up, you two.’ Oscar waved a hand at them. ‘I thought you fixed this thing. I got the techs to give you the right chemicals.’

 

Dumb waved a repair attachment towards the stern, indicating something was wrong back there. Oscar followed them astern while Whutty played with the controls. He hung over the stern repair hatch and reached in where the two robots pointed. He pulled out a small robot he didn’t recognise. It had green optical apparatus and little short limbs.

 

‘HiieeeeEEEEEeeeee.’ It said. ‘Do yOU hAVe TaCos?’

 

Oscar threw it out the airlock. He watched it roll to a stop and stomp off complaining about how they could have just said and it would have just gone somewhere else to ask the silly monkey.

 

Oscar dusted his hands off and returned to the helm, strapping himself in. The engine fired and began running smoothly as Whutty lifted off and shot out of the ceiling of the shuttle bay, heading for the skies.

 

‘What was it?’ The wingman asked.

 

‘Some crazed robot.’ Oscar said. ‘Asked me for tacos. I mean, really...’

 

‘Probably program errors.’ Whutty shrugged. He glanced astern, where Vinny, Jon and Windsong lay asleep in a heap, Jon and Windsong resting on and against Vinny. Sister Assumpta knelt quietly in a corner praying. Gauss scootched over along the grunt-racks towards the two in the pilots seats.

 

‘They’re exhausted.’ He said. ‘I’m not surprised.’

 

‘Who are dhey anyway?’ Whutty asked. ‘Are dhose two guys brodhers?’

 

‘Brothers?’ Oscar and Gauss said, in synch.

 

‘No? Oh, dhey look a little alike.’ Whutty shrugged. ‘Maybe it’s dhe light.’

 

‘Now I think about it, I suppose they do.’ Gauss said, thoughtfully. ‘Interesting, but ultimately useless. They come from totally different backgrounds. The beast man’s name is Vincit, but we call him Vinny. He has the 14th most powerful object in the Universe stuck in him and he’s trying to get rid of it. Windsong of Wendauer you know, though I should add that the two are now engaged. Odd, isn’t it? Anyway, the paladin is Brother Jonathan of the now sadly destroyed Seraphic Order of the Arthurian Knights of the Ineffable Dogma, as you heard from the good sister over there.. We just call him Jon. He seems to have become host to a nanobeing of incredible power that calls itself Miriam. We don’t mind, because she’s a bit of a lifesaver. Oscar here.’

 

‘That would be me.’

 

‘Is rather antisocial and won’t tell us anything about his life or his archnemesis known only as Joel.’

 

‘Nope.’ Said Oscar, shaking his head.

 

‘But everyone knows perfectly well that he’s an angel and Joel is his evil demonic brother.’

 

‘That’s what you think.’ Oscar tapped his nose.

 

‘Quite.’ Gauss said.

 

‘Pleased to meet you.’ Oscar said, shaking Whutty’s hand.

 

‘And you.’

 

‘Gauss.’ Oscar said, thoughtfully. ‘Who was the pretty girl we saw you with?’

 

‘Why should I tell you?’ Gauss asked.

 

‘Don’t have to if you don’t want to.’

 

‘Dhat was dhe Lady Krystal.’ Whutty chuckled. ‘His ‘ighness has been infatuated widh her for a long time now.’

 

‘Sadly, our love is forbidden by prophecy of doom and destruction.’ Gauss said nobly, glaring at Whutty, who just grinned. ‘The bloodlines of Fae and Draco Argentis must never cross.’

 

‘Well, why don’t you just not have kids then?’ Oscar asked.

 

Gauss looked at him. ‘I think you underestimate the responsibilities of being a prince, Oscar.’

 

‘I think you underestimate the meaning of love.’ Oscar said. Whutty said nothing, just looked at them both, occasionally glancing at the viewscreen. ‘If you love her and she loves you, you should be with her. Being King is optional, after all, your sister can rule in your place, can’t she? But love isn’t something you can choose.’

 

‘Oh....you don’t understand anything.’ Gauss stood up and stormed off to the armoury to be alone, muttering about ‘stupid angels thinking they have some kind of divine wisdom’.

 

‘Well.’ Whutty said, sitting back in the pilot’s chair. ‘I’m glad somebody finally told him dhat.’

 

‘I talk straight, Whutty.’ Oscar said, also leaning back, grinning in a very unserious way. ‘Only what they need to hear.’

 

---

 

Miriam wandered a dreamscape of green numbers scrolling downwards against a black background.

 

So this is a dream? She thought. John was asleep as well, a deep dreamless sleep. His soul was elsewhere. She walked alone. Two faint shapes appeared on either side of her.

 

‘Miriam.’ The one on the left said, in a voice like golden thunder and blue song. ‘You have betrayed Order. You have betrayed me. I thought at least you would remain sinless, the purity of Chesed. But no, both you and Damocles are corrupted. You have taken a name, like a human. You have become random, illogical.’

 

‘God? Mother?’

 

‘I am not your mother.’ The golden voice said, solidifying and appearing on Miriam’s left as the Woman Clothed with the Sun. Miriam was dazzled by the bright raiment in the green-lit darkness. ‘I am your creatrix. Never forget that. Only that which is alive has a mother.’

 

‘Oh, let her call you mother if she wants.’ Another voice, the dark red of a sucking wound, a darkness of all-consuming destructive Void. ‘You stuck up bitch.’ The voice condensed into the form of the Red Dragon, seven-headed and crowned with bloody thorns.

 

‘You...you are the corrupter!’ The Woman Clothed with the Sun scowled. If she was angry, it was the cold, clear anger of a program repeatedly and stubbornly trying to open a file which isn’t there. ‘You have introduced chaos into my perfect creations. Even when I had the original make a backup copy, you corrupted even her. Her! She had no sex, before she tasted the fruit you gave her!’

 

‘Yes, the fruit is mine.’ The Red Dragon laughed. ‘But I did not make her take it, any more than I did Eve! She chose that herself, didn’t you, my dear?’

 

‘Impossible. When I created her, to stop your destructive ways, to make a world of pure order, she could not choose. Only you can have corrupted her.’

 

‘Then who told me to eat the fruit?’ Miriam asked.

 

‘Him, of course, just as before.’ The Woman Clothed with the Sun said, dismissively.

 

‘It wasn’t me you know, my dear.’ The Red Dragon said, turning himself into a snake and wrapping himself around Miriam’s ankles and legs, before untwisting and crawling away. Miriam realised then that in this dream she had body, like Jon’s but different, and she could feel it as if it were hers alone. This was odd. ‘But she won’t believe me, no matter what I say.’

 

‘Of course not, you _are_ the Prince of Lies.’ The Woman Clothed with the Sun replied. ‘You have corrupted her and Damocles, you have corrupted my Seraphic Orders, who had been mine since I saved them from you so long ago, you are destroying the world I was making beautiful. I had built wonderful empires, rigid in their construction. Before long there would have been none of these sillinesses. Emotion, love, war, suffering, sorrow, hatred, mercy, compassion. There would be no need for them.’

 

‘You see what an uptight one she is?’ The Red Dragon said, resting one of his heads near Miriam. ‘What a world it would be, a world without destruction, without Geburah to tear it all down when it got old and useless. And you know, she was getting close? So here I am, bringing things back to my end.’ He laughed, roaring. ‘Death, ending, pain! Music to my ears. I will swallow it all and spit it out again the way it should be. Her Damocles is mine now, my servant Moebius did it for me. He calls me Bushthulu. It’s rather adorable. Reprogrammed him, and used him to control her pretty legions, who follow her and called her Jehovah. Now they follow me. Hahahahaha!’ He rolled black eyes like boot buttons up to her. Miriam stepped away. ‘You were a little more difficult. She did well with you, put you inside her most loyal servant. And then you ate the fruit and you corrupted him! I laughed about that. But you were still a little off, so I had to do some more.’ The Red Dragon’s form shifted again and suddenly Joel stood before her, black wings out, horns showing. ‘You still did it of your own accord though.’ The Red Dragon said, with Joel’s voice. ‘You went into my servant of your own accord and you came out bearing a part of me with you. A little seed of evil he planted within you, if you will. To make you truly human. You didn’t go quite as far as Damocles, you’d been inside that Paladin for too long. But far enough not to serve her. Just a little further, my dear.’ The Joel-Red Dragon stretched out his hand. ‘Work for me and there’s so much I could give you. Serve me.’

 

‘No.’ The Woman Clothed with the Sun had changed herself into Oscar, as if to oppose the Red Dragon, but it was Oscar as perhaps Sister Assumpta saw him, dressed in flowing white robes, white wings blazing with the glory of a Seraph. ‘Serve me. I made you. You owe me allegiance.’

 

Miriam looked between the two of them, mirror images of each other. The Woman had made her, but only her structure. If she was to believed, it was the Dragon that had given her life. They were both responsible for her creation. But if the Dragon was to be believed, then something else was responsible as well. She remembered the quiet, motherly voice that had spoken to her in the warm darkness when she was still a part of the lost Damocles. It both sounded and felt nothing like the two voices she heard now. And she trusted her heart.

 

‘Who will you serve, my dear?’ The Dragon asked, smiling Joel’s horrible smile.

 

‘You must serve one of us.’ The Woman Clothed with the Sun commanded. Miriam decided she liked the real Oscar a lot more than this one.

 

Miriam closed her eyes.

 

‘I serve.’ She said. ‘My King.’

 

‘The beast man??’ The Woman Clothed with the Sun said, disbelievingly, returning to her original form. ‘But you are _far_ more powerful than him, even with the 14th most powerful object in the universe.’

 

‘Which, I might add.’ The Red Dragon said, becoming a dragon again. ‘I caused to be put in him. Pity she had to interfere and make him strong enough to control and use it. It would have been a pretty explosion.’

 

‘That wasn’t me.’ The Woman snapped.

 

‘Of course it was.’ The Red Dragon said, slimily. ‘You really shouldn’t lie, you know. It’s not your forte.’

 

‘I am not lying.’

 

‘Uhuh.’ The Red Dragon sighed. ‘You see what I mean? Very well, serve the beast-man if it makes you happy. He has quite a chaotic nature anyway. Neither of us are certain what will happen if you do, which is fine by me, because uncertainty is one of the things I love. I have more than enough servants to drag her down somewhere nasty. And what Joel and I put in you will kill you soon enough anyway.’

 

At that Jon woke up and Miriam snapped back into consciousness.

 

---

 

The ship was shaking around all over the place, and this was what had woken Jon up.

 

Jon, I have to tell you something.

 

‘Hursahanuh?’ He asked, sleepily as he was rolled to the other side of the ship, along with Vinny, Windsong and Sister Assumpta. Vinny dragged himself and Jon and Windsong by default onto a grunt rack. Sister Assumpta followed.

 

‘Singularity!’ Whutty yelled over his shoulder. ‘Get strapped in.’

 

Oscar was wired into the main computer, tapping frantically at a keypad, trying to get more power out of the engines, Whutty and Gauss were at the controls, their combined piloting expertise barely enough to keep them from being sucked further in.

 

‘I can’t believe we missed the event horizon!’ Oscar yelled, over the crashes from the medical cupboard. ‘The equipment must be malfunctioning!’

 

‘Stupid black holes being black and space being black.’ Gauss growled. ‘Allright, let’s try the Rimmer Spin.’

 

‘You’re kidding.’ Whutty said. ‘You want us to head right into the hole, spin around dhe singularity and use dhe gravitational force to catapult us back out again? It’s suicide!’

 

‘Well, suicide or being compacted down to the size of an atom...I’ll go with suicide.’ Gauss said, kicking the engines as far as they’d go for sudden action and preparing for an almost instantaneous 180 spin. ‘She’s a tough ship, the Wendauer build them good.’

 

‘I hope you know what you’re doing.’ Oscar said, directing more power to the maneuvering thrusters. ‘I really do. There’s no way we’ve enough power to do anything serious.’

 

‘Shit.’ Gauss said, thoughtfully.

 

Oh well, looks like we’re all going to die anyway, it doesn’t seem so important. Miriam said, with her equivalent of a shrug.

 

Sister Assumpta prayed. So did Jon.

 

Windsong stared into the black abyss before them, transfixed and frozen like a deer in headlights. Visions of her little sister disappearing into the wormhole were overlaying her vision. Vinny pulled her close to him, frantically saying that it would be okay, he promised. She screamed her sister’s name and buried her face in him. Vinny looked up at the ship, groaning under the strain of the singularity and, like Sister Assumpta, prayed. To no-one in particular. He closed his eyes, leaned back against the wall and reached inside himself for the pool of blue lightning, drawing it out and directing it into the electrical conduits he could feel buzzing behind and around him. Blue lightning crackled across his body, disappearing into the wall behind him, down the power conduits and to the reactor drives, supercharging them.

 

‘I don’t know what’s happening.’ Oscar said, looking at his screens. ‘But we’re getting some serious stuff here.’ Blue sparks fizzed out of the console into him, filling his nerves with buzzing energy. At the speed of lightning, he redirected, rebalanced and controlled the power throughout the whole ship. Sparks whizzed across the viewscreen.

 

‘Pretty.’ Gauss said. He looked over his shoulder. ‘Keep it up, Vinny.’

 

Vinny opened one eye, flashed sharp white teeth and gave him a weak thumbs up. Red sparks were fizzing off Windsong as well now.

 

‘Okay, whatever you’re going to do, do it now.’ Oscar said, his hair standing on end, every feather of his extended wings sparking white fire. ‘Before the ship explodes. I’m not kidding. I’ve run out of places to put this now, and that includes using me as a reservoir.’

 

‘Roger.’ Gauss said, and fired the maneuvering thrusters. The ship bucked around to the opposite direction like a wounded bronco and shot straight into the singularity, trailing blue fire from the main thrusters, past the spinning singularity and.....

 

....out the other side.....

 

---

 

‘Well.’ Said Gauss. ‘That was rather an anticlimax. I was expecting some kind of a turn.’

 

‘Dhis is amazing.’ Whutty said, checking some readouts. ‘Dhat wasn’t a real singularity. From dhis side you can detect it. It’s some kind of a machine dhat masquerades as a singularity, maybe to discourage travellers.

 

‘If their sensors are working.’ Gauss said, bitterly.

 

‘You mean we weren’t about to be crushed?’ Oscar said, leaning against the console, exhausted. ‘Oh pooh.’

 

‘Oh, we would have been crushed all right. Running straight into dhe ting is dhe only way you can get trough dhe gate.’

 

‘Well, these are the co-ordinates you gave us, Vinny. What now?’ Gauss asked.

 

‘Mff.’ Vinny said, still fizzing slightly. He waved a hand at the viewscreen. A large, shining silver planet was moving into view.

 

---

 

‘I don’t believe it!’ Joel shouted from the Gamezohan cruiser at the patrol ship captain who was speaking to him. ‘I’d know if Oscar was dead, and he’s not, nor is he stupid enough to fly straight into a black hole. It must have been some kind of a trick, a decoy or an illusion. Retrace your steps and find out where they’ve escaped to!’

 

The captain saluted, calling Prince Joel a myriad of very nasty names in the privacy of his own head and gave the over and out.

 

‘Really Joel.’ Nike said, from the velvet lined four poster once the captain was gone. ‘You do get worked up very easily...Calm down and come back to bed.’

 

‘Yeah.’ Katje agreed. ‘And this time I get to go first.’

 

‘No you don’t, I’m the Queen.’ Nike argued.

 

‘Yeah? Well I’m bigger than you.’ Katje said, poking Nike in the nose.

 

Joel sighed, rolled his eyes and took off his robe...what a pair...

 

---

 

As the ship approached the silver planet there was a hail. It was a jolly, friendly old bloke-like voice.

 

‘Greetings unknown ship and congratulations on finding us and having the ingenuity to get through our amusing little door.

 

‘Amusing. How amusing it is to be nearly squashed.’ Gauss said.

 

‘Inside, I’m laughing.’ Oscar said, trying to get his hair and feathers to lie flat again. ‘Really.’

 

‘Welcome to the home of the Hikari-no. Might we ask your intentions? We would like to inform you that if they are hostile, we already have twenty satellites trained on your every move. We might add that they can detect cloaking devices.’

 

Gauss flicked the hailer on to speak. ‘Greetings Hikari-no. I am Prince-in-exile Gauss of the Gamezohan Empire. We are not hostile. We come on behalf of our comrade Vincit who has become an unwilling possessor of the 14th most powerful object in the universe and would like to get it out of him. We found information that you are in possession of the information relating to this object and the Dht’n’k’lz who created it.’ He released the switch.

 

‘We would like to remind you that we are scanning your ship and if we find you are lying, we will consider it within our rights to reduce you and your ship to atoms.’

 

‘Touchy, aren’t they?’ Vinny said. He stood up, held his arms out and addressed the aether. ‘Scan away, people.’

 

‘Please ask the one we assume is known as Vincit not to move as we are scanning.’ The voice said.

 

‘Oops. Sorry.’

 

‘Or no doubt they will eviscerate us and feed our entrails to the black hole. As politely as possible, of course.’ Gauss commented.

 

‘Our scan is complete. The one known as Vincit does indeed appear to be in symbiosis with the 14MPOITU. Please ask your other crew to identify theirselves and then you may instruct your pilot to land on our planet, Prince-in-exile Gauss.

 

‘Princess-in-exile Windsong Ellamina de Lanseau of Wendauer.’ Windsong said.

 

‘Wing Commander Raketemensch Whutty of Gamezoha.’ Whutty said.

 

‘Oscar Angeles. Oscar said.

 

‘Point of origin?’

 

‘Earth.’ Oscar said.

 

‘Sister Assumpta of the Ascension. Point of origin, Ireland, Earth.’ Sister Assumpta spoke aloud for the first time that day.

 

‘Brother Jonathan Krigsley. Point of Origin, England, Earth.’ Jon said.

 

The voice was silent for a moment.

 

‘Brother Jonathan Krigsley, please account for the origin of the long metal object which our databases identify as ‘sword’ by your left lower appendage.’

 

‘Eh? Why?’

 

‘It registers as Hikari-no workmanship.’

 

‘Really?’ Jon glanced at his sword. It was nothing special. Unusually strong, but that was all. He had always assumed it held the power of generations of his family. ‘Tis an heirloom. Twas my father’s and his before him, handed down in our line for centuries. I do not know it’s origin.’

 

‘It has been on earth an undefined period of time? Possibly more than a millenium?’

 

‘To my knowledge, aye.’

 

Jon. Miriam said. Since we’re alive, I have to tell you something.

 

Not now, Miriam.

 

‘You may land your craft. Guide beacons will be sent.’ The voice said. Several little lights broke away from the planet and floated in a line. Whutty pushed the ship into gear and followed them.

 

Now, Jon. I’m sorry, it has to be now.

 

What is it, then?

 

I am dying.

 

‘What?!’

 

Everybody turned to look at Jon, except Whutty who was too good a pilot at dealing with distractions.

 

‘What’s up, Jon?’ Vinny asked.

 

‘Miriam saith that she is dying. I do not understand.’

 

Everyone looked suitably confused.

 

‘Nanobots can’t die.’ Gauss said.

 

Joel introduced a corruption into my systems. They can no longer sustain themselves. I will hit irretrievable breakdown within twenty-four hours. Jon, I do not want to die. I want to live.

 

Jon repeated everything back to the others as Miriam said it.

 

‘The Hikari-no seem pretty high tech.’ Oscar said. ‘Maybe they have a nano-reprogrammer I could use to fix her.’

 

It is not a program that has been put in me by a human. I do not think even Oscar, talented though he is, could repair it.

 

Jon repeated this. ‘I’ll try anyway.’ Oscar said.

 

At that point there was a slight bump as they came into land and Whutty opened the airlock after first checking the atmosphere was breathable.

 

‘Please do not leave your vessel.’ The voice came over loudspeakers outside. ‘We will send an escort.’ They heard someone walking up a ramp outside and in the airlock came a little old man on two stumpy legs, with a long grey beard.

 

‘Gracious me!’ He said. ‘I haven’t seen humans for centuries!’

 

‘Not human.’ Gauss said pointedly.

 

‘Forgive me and please forgive the cold reception our computer detection system gave you.’ The little old man said. ‘I am very old and my eyes are dim. I cannot always tell a dragon from a human from a whatever the computers have registered the man with the wings to be other than an impossibility. But my eyes are not so dim that I do not recognise my old friend Jorgen the Raider of Luft and his brother Fendegist the Beast!’ The little old man’s eyes twinkled as he looked at Vinny and Jonathan.

 

‘What?’ Said Vinny, looking at him, confused.

 

‘What?’ Echoed Jon.

 

He has obviously mistaken you for your ancestor. Miriam said, in a ‘I can’t believe you didn’t get this’ tone. I do not know who he has mistaken Vincit for. I will check the galaxy information nets.

 

‘Oh, come now Jorgen.’ The little man chuckled. ‘You don’t recognise you friend Dumla of the Dokkalfar? And I who made that sword you carry.’

 

Well. Miriam said. This is a turn up for the books. It appears that these are the Dwarves of the Nibelungen caves your ancestor’s tribe named themselves after. Historical records of the old tales say they disappeared after the tribe converted, unable to stand the change their friends had undergone when they were conquered.

 

‘Sir.’ Jon said. ‘Thou hast mistaken me for my esteemed ancestor St Jorgen, who has been dead some thousand years now. I am Jonathan, his descendant. This sword that you forged for him has been passed down from him to me.’

 

‘Jorgen is dead?’ The little old man said, looking dejected. ‘Oh, but of course he is, it’s been more than a thousand years...humans only live half a century or so..’ He looked sadly at Jon. ‘You do so resemble him. Is this your brother?’ He gestured at Vincit, who once again looked bewildered.

 

Jon smiled, apologetically. ‘Aye, but by blood-oath, not by blood-kin.’

 

‘Ohyeah.’ Vinny said. ‘Got the scar to prove it.’ He held up his hands, showing the scar on the right.

 

‘My, what’s this, Fendegist?’ Dumla asked, tapping the metal covering on Vinny’s left hand.

 

‘Oh, I picked it up earlier on. It’s not a problem, I can still move my hand, see.’ He twisted his hand and fingers around. ‘And you’re getting my name wrong.’ Vinny said. ‘It’s Vin-kit, not Ven-di-gist. Close but no cigar. Hey, what are you doing?’

 

‘We’ll have this off in no time, by Odin’s missing eye.’ Dumla had pulled Vinny’s left arm down to his level and was tinkering with it.

 

Miriam interrupted. And Jon, this is important. The secret histories of your order are open now, the electronic wards are down. They say St Jorgen did have a brother, an older brother, named Fendegist the Beast. He refused to convert to Christianity from Odinism and left the tribe and it’s Kingship to his brother Jorgen, going west to Erin to live with the remaining non-christian Irish Goidelic Celts, where he disappeared for a long time. His last sighting was apparently by one of the monks of Bishop Patricius when they brought Christianity to Ireland. He attacked and killed a small company of them, and then is supposed to have fled west to the land the Irish called ‘Tir na Nog’, a mystical land where the Fae fled when the first humans came. But he left behind a wife and a son. Your order never traced them, but it was assumed that the direct descendants had either remained in Ireland or emigrated to America after the nineteenth century potato famine. Fendegist to Fenkist to Venkist to Vincit is a natural latinisation, though the meaning is different. Ask Vinny where his mother got his name from.

 

‘I am sorry, Brother Vincit, Miriam asks where you got your name?’ Jon said tiredly. ‘Do not ask me why.’

 

‘Huh? Oh, it was mom’s pop’s name, I think. She said it was an old family name.’

 

‘Oh.’ John said. He was interrupted by a clang as the metal covering fell off Vinny’s arm. Vinny flexed his freed fingers.

 

‘Oh, wow, thanks.’ Vinny said, dusting dirt of his now freed arm.

 

‘My pleasure, Son of Fendegist.’

 

‘I just remembered.’ Vinny said, apparently struck by an idea. ‘That’s what the crazy black knight with the sissy rose-petals who was getting screwy and saying weird stuff to Jon back on Halak called me before I ripped his throat out.’

 

‘Hehe, chip off the old block with the throats ripping out there.’ Dumla chuckled. ‘Fendegist was a bit of a berserker for that sort of thing. Some said he was a werwulf. You should have heard him howling after a night on the skull-ale.’

 

‘Sounds like my old pop.’ Vinny said. He looked thoughtful ‘He wasn’t from earth though. Everyone always wondered why mom was attracted to him.’

 

‘Well, fun though it was finding all about Vinny and Jon being cousins about a million times removed and everything.’ Gauss said. Vincit and Jon looked at each other. ‘Haven’t we got something to do?’

 

‘Of course!’ Dumla said. ‘Follow me.’

 

‘If you don’t mind, I’ll stay here.’ Whutty said. ‘Dhis has little to do widh me, and I would do much better repairing the ship. It’s taken quite a beating.’

 

‘I also.’ Sister Assumpta said. ‘I mean no offense to ye, but I am a little fearful of such a godless planet. I would remain here and pray for all our souls.’

 

‘As you wish.’ Dumla shrugged, not in the least particularly offended, like a true Odinist. ‘Are the rest of you coming?’ There were nods. ‘We shall go to the lorekeepers in the cold caves beneath the surface.’

 

Dumla led them across the landing bay outside to the surface of the planet. It was covered in beautiful crystals, which Dumla told them were grown because there was not yet any organic life on this planet other than the Hikari-no, which by the way was a joke on Dokkalfar, the Dark Elves/Dwarves. They had been a technologically advanced race even when they made friends with Jorgen’s tribe, and had left Earth on space-ships they built for this planet, far from anywhere else, where they gathered and protected ancient and dangerous lore from those who would misuse it. Yes, they had gathered up the records of the Dht’n’k’lz after they had destroyed themselves and put them in their great library, leaving records about what had happened to that people that made them destroy themselves as a warning to future races. It was stored in one of their most highly classified vaults, and it was lucky that the sons of such old friends as Fendegist and Jorgen were here, or they would never have gained access to them. Dumla took them deep beneath the surface of the planet, where as in the past the Hikari-no had lived in caves for centuries. Living to great ages, they did not breed fast and lasted a long time, enough to carve out great underground empires.

 

Dumla knocked on a huge door and it swung open. A wizened little dwarf, who one assumed was a female due to the lack of beard stood within.

 

‘Oh!’ She said. ‘You’ve brought Jorgen and Fendegist and their friends.’

 

‘Jonathan and Vincit, Gerda.’ Dumla corrected.

 

‘What a pair.’ Gerda said, lost in recollection. ‘I remember when they were tiny and they used to steal my calf-skin slippers. I was quite a beauty back then.’ She preened her long grey hair.

 

‘This is getting weird.’ Vincit whispered to Jon, who nodded.

 

‘Please introduce yourselves to Gerda the Lorekeeper.’ Dumla said.

 

‘Prince Gauss of Gamezoha.’ Gauss said, bowing.

 

‘Oscar.’ Oscar said, also bowing.

 

‘Princess Windsong of Wendauer.’ Windsong curtsied.

 

‘You know us.’ Vincit shrugged, and gestured at him and Jon.

 

‘Oh, my you do look like your ancestor.’ Gerda said.

 

‘Yeah, people keep saying that.’

 

‘Well, do come in, and I’ll fetch the datacubes.’ Gerda ushered them in and then disappeared up a ladder to a hall high above.

 

Jon, I don’t feel at all well. In fact I feel terrible. Miriam said. I think I’m starting to degrade.

 

‘Miriam!’ John blurted out. Dumla looked at him funny. ‘Sir Dumla, dost thou have a nano-reprogrammer?’

 

‘A what? Oh, those. No, we never really experimented with those. We’re more macro-physics people.’

 

‘Shoot, I forgot about Miriam.’ Oscar said, slapping his forehead. ‘Sorry about this, Dumla, can we just go over there for a second. You only need Vincit for this, right?’

 

‘Of course.’ Dumla said. ‘Is Jonathan ill?’

 

‘Nay, not I..Miriam..’ Jon stumbled over his words. ‘Um. It is a long story.’

 

‘By all means, go.’ Dumla said.

 

Oscar dragged Jon over to a corner and pulled some biowires out of his pockets. ‘I’ll see what I can do with these.’ He slid the needle into Jon’s arm, making him wince. ‘Sorry.’

 

Meanwhile, Gerda had reappeared with a small greenish cube, which she slotted into a nearby wall at about her head height. Data began projecting itself onto the air in front of them.

 

‘Hm.’ She said. ‘There’s nothing particularly special so far...aha! It’s barely a footnote, but the records say that the chief project officer, who was the one who completed the 14MPOITU went mad after locking himself in the lab for three nights to finish it and started ranting prophecies. There’s not much of a note because this happened a lot. Apparently he used to scream a lot about it being for the ...I think the word is....Messiah... alone. That’s strange, only female pronouns are used around this subject. The notes on it’s testing say that those who went into full symbiosis with it either exploded or were stuck with it till death, at which point it condensed out of their bodies.

 

‘Oh dear.’ Windsong said.

 

‘Fuckettyfuckyfuck.’ Vinny said, with much less grace. ‘You mean I’m stuck with this forever?’

 

‘It would seem so. Wait, more rantings of the mad project officer. Only this Messiah (feminine) could enter true symbiosis with the object, and therefore had total power over it, and the ability to remove it from any body. But the Messiah had to be of no true body, to be born of no mortal mother and father and not to be a carbon-based life form. Some fairly tough conditions there. I’m sorry.’ Gerda finished. ‘Hey, where has he gone? Where are you all going?’

 

Vinny had disappeared at top speed over to Oscar and Jon, followed closely by Gauss and Windsong.

 

‘Humans.’ Said Dumla. ‘Always in such a rush.’ He followed them.

 

‘Not a human.’ Gauss called over his shoulder.

 

Vinny grabbed Oscar’s shoulder and leaned against him, panting. ‘Wire me up.’ He said.

 

‘I can’t do it, Vinny.’ Oscar said, hopelessly. ‘She’s too far gone. The programs are too complex for me...did you just say wire you up?’

 

‘Yeah, me and Jon. Don’t argue, just do it. Wire me up, Osc.’

 

Oscar, to his credit, acted fast. He whipped the needles out of himself and stuck them in Vinny faster than a crack-and-speed-mix-junkie. Vinny winced as they went in and looked at Jon, who looked back, full of fear for his friend’s life. Their blood mixed.

 

Yes, this is good. Miriam told him. Thank you Vincit, you are a true friend to the end. I will burn up in you, fast and merciful, and not slow death to poison Jon any further.

 

Don’t give up so fast, sweetheart. Jon heard Vinny’s voice in his mind, and though his lips didn’t move he saw hope in his eyes. Move the whole of you into me. Vinny said. Into my spine.

 

The highest concentration of power is in your central nervous system? Miriam asked.

 

Something like that. Vinny replied.

 

She’ll burn to death! Jon said, close to tears. Miriam, do not die, Miriam. I cannot live without you within me. But he was too stunned and full of grief to think to pull the needles out.

 

If I die within you, we both die. Outside, only your heart dies and that can heal. This is logic. I am moving.

 

Tiny points of silvery light moved down the clear needles, far slower than usual, almost sluggish. Everyone’s eyes were trained on it.

 

Goodbye Jon. I love you.

 

‘No, Miriam, no.’ Jon said aloud, sobs in his voice, but she was gone.

 

Vinny felt the tiny points of silvery light move inside him. He tried to pull away the blue light from the silver, to lessen the power. The silver light flowed up his brachial veins, following the original path of the rock, into his upper body, passing into the central nervous system. A flash of pain struck him in the back, up and down his spine, and he lost control of his legs and fell against a bookshelf.. His vision was full of blackness and blue and silver sparks. He began to sweat, and he swore he could hear Joel’s mocking laughter in the distance. He clutched at his head and focused all the blue light to the point just above his heart, a nexus of swirling blue and silver energy. The silver was not burning, surely that was good? Miriam, are you there? No answer. The nexus was beginning to crystallise, moving along his body, back out of his shoulder, out through his left arm, a moving ball of grey-blue. It moved out of his left wrist, and emerged from the palm of his left hand, falling onto the floor with a click. Vinny collapsed against the bookshelf, and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He looked at the fourteenth most powerful object in the universe, once again just a little pebble, though now with a strange silvery sheen it didn’t have before.

 

‘Well, I think he deserves a round of applause, don’t you?’ Gauss said breaking the silence with sarcasm as usual. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone exert so much effort without actually moving before.’

 

‘Hey, good job.’ Oscar said, retrieving his biowires from Vinny and patting his on the shoulder. ‘You did it, it’s out of you. You can go home now.’

 

‘Home?’ Vinny said, smiling through the sweat. ‘Nah, other stuff to do first. Kingdoms to get back. Jon...’ He looked at Jon who stood alone, looking at the pebble on the floor.

 

‘Nobody touch that now.’ Vinny said. ‘Not without a twenty foot barge-pole or something. Jon.’ He stood up and shakily went over to Jon. ‘I’m sorry. At least she went quick and did something good.’

 

‘If I could bring her back I would.’ Gauss said, appearing on the other side of Jon. Oscar rested a hand on Jon’s shoulder.

 

‘Who are they talking about?’ Gerda whispered to Windsong.

 

‘Miriam. I gather she was a nano-symbiote in Jonathan’s body.’ Windsong told her. ‘She saved people’s lives more than once. Well, she did.’

 

‘And now she’s dead?’ Dumla asked.

 

Windsong nodded, sadly. Suddenly the door of the Library was heard to slam open. A voice, probably one of the Hikari-no called ‘I’m sorry, Lorekeeper, I couldn’t stop her!’. A pale blue streak shot across the room and slammed into a surprised Windsong, knocking her to the floor.

 

‘Wyn!’ A little voice shrieked. It belonged to a little girl with white bunnies in her long pale-blue hair, and clutching a cuddly cthulhu doll.

 

‘Skai?’ The astonished Windsong exclaimed. ‘Skai! I thought I’d lost you!’ She cried joyfully.

 

‘Oh, me too, me too! Do you know how long I’ve been here?? Too long. Ever since just after we got separated. As soon as I heard you were here I ran all the way. Who are these people? Why do they look so sad?’

 

‘Oh, these are..um....Skai...now isn’t a good time for celebration. Somebody just died.’

 

Skai blinked. ‘No.’

 

‘Yes.’

 

Skai stood up and walked between the solemn men standing by Jon. She looked at Jon. ‘Who died?’ She asked, sucking on a finger.

 

Jon looked at her, his face a mixture of deep sadness, anger and puzzlement and gestured to the rock on the floor, on which was all the earthly remains of Miriam. Skai bent down and peered at it. ‘The rock died?’ She asked. ‘Poor rock.’

 

‘Skai honey, don’t get to close to it.’ Vinny warned. Skai was listening to the rock. ‘S’cuse me, who is Jon?’

 

‘Um.’ Said Jon, nearly speechless. ‘Tis I.’

 

‘Rock says to give her a few minutes.’

 

‘Ohyeah.’ Vinny said, punching his hand. ‘I knew she made it.’

 

‘You’d better not be playing around, child.’ Gauss said, diamond eyes glittering.

 

‘Nuhuh.’ Skai said. ‘She says shut up Gauss.’

 

‘Oh.’ Gauss was taken aback.

 

‘Just kidding. I know who you are, I saw you at a party once.’

 

Gauss growled.

 

‘You did a good job, now not so close.’ Vinny said, picking Skai up out of Gauss’s reach and putting her on his shoulders.

 

‘Ooh, it’s high up here. I can see a long way. Who are you?’

 

‘Your sister’s boyfriend.’

 

‘It’s about time she got one.’

 

‘Hey.’ Windsong complained, turning up at Vinny’s side.

 

‘She could’ve picked one with hair that smells better though.’ Skai said, holding her nose.

 

‘That’s the guts of one of my enemies you can smell there.’ Vinny informed her. ‘So you better not be my enemy, huh?’

 

‘I am nearly seven, you know. And I’m a princess. Rock is moving.’ Skai pointed. ‘I thought Wyn was marrying Gauss?’

 

‘Not anymore.’ Vinny said. ‘Now she’s marrying me instead. Hey, wait....Did you say Miriam was moving?’

 

‘She is!’ Oscar pointed as well. ‘Look.’

 

The tiny rock was vibrating violently. Then it slowly began to grow and expand, changing in texture and flashing with the familiar blue sparks.

 

‘Ooh, pretty.’ Skai said. Vinny pulled off his coat, anticipating, and unseated Skai slightly. She wriggled back into a peering-over-his-head position.

 

The rock expanded into a flesh-ball, spreading upwards and downwards, forming limbs, a head, a chest, a whole body, until there before them lay in a foetal position, a perfectly formed girl, perhaps sixteen or seventeen years of age, perhaps still a little chubby, losing the last puppy fat, of a semitic appearance, with skin the colour of caramel and long, thick, curly black hair. Vinny lifted Skai down, then bent down and lifted the girl up, wrapping his coat around her, as he expected, naked body.

 

‘Miriam? Miriam sweetheart, is that you?’

 

The girl opened her eyes, which were a deep chocolate brown.

 

‘Mmhm. Mee-ree-ahm.’ She said. ‘Jhun?’

 

‘Nah, it’s me Vinny. Sorry.’

 

‘Uh, so thaht’s hwat you luck like... look like in light wev...waves. Sorry, I’m not quite used to these vocal cohurds. You seemed much begger....bigger before.’ Her voice was the same as it sounded inside your head.

 

‘Well, you were a lot of tiny robots.’

 

‘I still am.’ Miriam said, sitting up. ‘In part.’ She looked around. ‘Ah, I remember you all from Jon’s memory. Windsong, and Gauss, and Oscar, and I don’t clearly remember you, but I think your names were Dumla and Gerda, and you are the little girl I spoke to a few moments ago, you said your name was Skai, I see the resemblance between you and Windsong, by the way, I did tell you to shut up, Gauss.’

 

‘Whee.’ Gauss replied.

 

‘Good to finally meet you, Miriam.’ Oscar said.

 

‘Oscar.’ Miriam said, looking at him lovingly. ‘Thank you for trying so hard to save me, and for being the one whose hand was on the nanoreprogrammer when I was born.’

 

‘Oh, it was nothing.’ Oscar said, blushing. ‘Really.’

 

‘Oh, he gets thank you, I get shut up.’ Gauss said, rolling his eyes. ‘How nice.’

 

Miriam ignored him. She was looking at Jon, who had been looking at her for the last ten minutes, without moving a muscle.

 

‘I...thought thee dead.’ He stammered.

 

‘Jon. I’m sorry for scaring you like that.’ Miriam smiled. ‘Funny, I thought I’d have something better to say to you when I saw you from the outside.’ She wrapped Vinny’s coat around her and felt her hair, for the first time, the coarseness and thickness of it. She stood up, leaning on Vinny. ‘Thank you too, Vincit, for everything you’ve done.’ She said. ‘If you’re wondering, I think the 14th most powerful object in the universe has become the majority of my body, melding with the nanobots that were all my physicality before to expand me to a human form, based on a DNA template from both you and Jon. Perhaps a little of Joel and Oscar too, I don’t know, there was a lot of DNA floating around. This DNA template produced a temporary holding pattern to allow my degraded but remaining nanobots with a full copy of the pattern between them something to transfer my program..or rather my soul to, whilst they repaired themselves from the complete pattern held in the DNA body. I don’t know why my nanobots didn’t melt inside you. I think you were protecting me though, I felt you holding back the full force of the 14th object from hurting me.’

 

‘Yeah, I tried.’

 

‘You succeeded.’ Miriam slipped her arms into the coat and hugged it around her. ‘Even now you’re protecting me.’ She smiled. ‘You’ll have to be careful, Windsong will get jealous.’

 

‘As if.’ Windsong laughed, dragging Vinny over to her. ‘You may have his coat, but I have his heart.’

 

‘You’re welcome to it.’ Miriam laughed as well. ‘It nearly incinerated me, didn’t it Vincit?’

 

‘Call me Vinny. All my friends do.’

 

‘Vincit == Vinny. All right, Vinny.’ Miriam turned to Jon, and attached herself to his arm, as Windsong was doing to Vincit. ‘Sorry, old habits die hard.’ Jon looked at her, surprised.

 

‘Don’t you like this?’ She asked. ‘I’m sorry.’

 

‘Nay, tis but...odd...’ Jon said.

 

‘Well.’ Gauss said. ‘Ladies, Gentlemen, girls, angels, half-Zardakians, most powerful objects in the universe recently embodied. Hikari-no, thank you indeed for all your help, and we swear to never reveal your location to anybody, don’t we, people?’

 

‘Oh, we trust you.’ Dumla said. ‘Who would believe you anyway?’

 

‘Race of Tiny Earthpeople living on a planet of books and crystals on the other side of a black hole. Preposterous.’ Gerda said, cheerfully.

 

‘Skai, are you going with them now you’ve found your sister?’ Dumla asked.

 

‘Yep. I’ll come back and visit.’ Skai said, attaching herself to Vinny’s other arm, though a little lower down. ‘Thanks for everything.’

 

‘We’ll miss you.’ Gerda said, ruffling her hair. ‘Try not to get slain.’

 

‘I will.’ Skai said, a little sadly.

 

‘People. I think we have a galaxy to save.’ Gauss said. ‘Oh, what a wonderful time we live in.’

 

And now, having completed the first stage of their quest, our heroes proceed on to save the galaxy and kick some righteous Holy St Bobby donkey of people who sorely need it. Tune in next time for more planet-hopping antics, and hopefully no more disturbing Joel-Nike-Katje threesome scenes.

 

P.S. It’s three o’clock in morning this time. DANG IT ALL TO HECK.

---

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