Cthulhu Unbound: How To Defeat The Hordes Of Pure Evil With One National Guard Division

Dr. Hilton's PhD opus. ParaSciLine reference: Hilton, D. E. 'Cthulhu Unbound: How to Defeat the Hordes of Pure Evil with One National Guard Division' J. Paranorm. Xenophys. 2550, 42, pp 158-220.

Abstract

"In the recent eight millennia, the Gamezohan Empire has steadily assumed cosmopolitical hegemony in an ever-increasing slice of the universe. With the exception of our neighbors of Dewnhëem, there is not one single nation or coalition able to stand the full power of our war machines for any measure of time once the gears are set in motion. We combine the equivalent inherent advantages of all most powerful empires of all times. And yet there is one last bridge to cross, one last frontier that lies extremely vulnerable – and as we will see, unnecessarily so.

"This threat is the Elder Races, of course. This category includes a vast array of creatures that are mostly identifiable by their insanity-inducing abilities, utter disinterest in human well being, and more often than not, tentacles. The typology for such creatures has been lying around for ages; not only in imprecise manuals such as the Necronomicon and its unabridged brother, the six hundred sixty-six volumes of the Necryptozoonomicon, but also in the great philosopher Anaxerretibes’ masterpiece, De Rebus, we have practically all the data necessary on these entities (and everything else ever, but that’s the nature of the Great Thinker’s opus). Why we have remained vulnerable to excruciating agony and an eternity of suffering in these creatures’ pseudopodia is a matter of defense policy history and outside the scope of this essay.

"In it, this threat is analyzed with instruments such as complexity-immanence-transcendence theory, Marikian quantumneuroatmanchemistry, superstring-metachrono-kinesis, cognition cyber-psychohistoric/dai-infoalchemic rhetorics, noematic plusquamparallax’d heuristic metaconsultancy I² paradigms, and the most recent works with the Omnipotence Drive. Imagining all possible contingencies of an all-out assault by the entire population of the eldricht dimensions, it stands to reason victory is practically guaranteed following one foolproof method, as long as a single requisite is fulfilled: the invasion is not prematurely stopped through divine intervention.

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