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Joe

I am ambivalent.

I aspire to be different, but long to be normal. I want to be loved, yet turn my back on the world in frustration. I value my morals, yet struggle with a darker side. I have secrets, but want everyone to know me. I don't want mediocrity. I don't want the same thing everyday, but I want a place I can go when I need consistency. I fear change. I welcome change. I shake with anticipation of change: the potential, the possibilities. I want to be missed. I think of the worst possible outcome, then laugh nervously when it's all over. I want to be creative, yet I already am, so I want to be even more creative. I'm important enough to merit my own theme, yet it cannot be determined what purpose I yet serve in the grand scheme of things. I'm as easy to remember as I am to forget. I want to be remembered. I defy reality's common definition, but value common sense in all situations. I want to make each day a little more surreal. I want to reach deep down inside and pull forth my essence, the good and the bad, a shining pearl dripping with black tar, and share it. Neither do I wish for it to be revered nor rejected. I want the beauty of it to be seen and understood, not just by you, but by myself, because I don't even see it yet, but I know it's there.

And I am NOT a poet.